In my practice, I encounter various women who ask the question, "When?"
When will I meet my guy?
When will I get married?
When will I have children?
When will it be my turn for 'happily ever after?'
When will I experience a beautiful romantic love space of my own?
When? When? WHEN!!!!!
It is okay and absolutely natural and healthy to desire a romantic space, but it is not healthy or advisable to put your life on hold and wait until you meet the mister. By waiting to live your best life until you have a partner, hinders your emotional and personal growth. Additionally, whenever you meet a guy, oftentimes these women cling onto him and immediately think,
'Yes! Finally! He is here! God heard my prayer! It is my time! Let's go! We have a lot of work to do to bring you up to speed!'
...and all of this is on the initial date. Women who put their life on hold until they are in a romantic relationship OR allow the external world (i.e. family, friends, society, etc) to pressure them OR who erroneously believe they are 'less than' because they are single inadvertently project a great deal of pressure onto any man who shows a bit of interest. Unknowingly, these women are self sabotaging a potentially great relationship, by coming off as needy, clingy and/or desperate. This type of pressure does not allow the guy to get to know who you really are, instead he is introduced to your fear and regardless of the 'packaging' fear is never attractive.
Relationships are person specific, meaning that two people enter into a relationship, marriage, co-create babies, etc. because of each other. Unfortunately, some women view relationships, marriage, babies as milestones or check list items, a task to complete, similar to:
- Graduate high school - check.
- Get into college - check.
- Pledge a sorority - check.
- Graduate - check.
- Get a job - check.
- Get married - check.
- Have 2.5 kids - check.
If one approaches life from this perspective, then one will oftentimes settle for the man in their life at the time of the 'scheduled milestone' and then spend the first 1-5 years trying to make him into the man who she really desired, but did not take the time to meet because she was on a life schedule.
However, if you shift your perspective and begin to view your life in terms of experiences and that each experience is an opportunity to learn more about yourself, life, love and your place in the world; you can begin to view your journey as an adventure. This perspective will allow you to approach every situation with a sense of intrigue with the only expectation being to fully embrace the experience.
Now, THIS woman...a woman who lives her life and is not waiting for someone to 'save her from herself or her humdrum life/existence' is interesting! This woman has amazing conversation as a result of her various experiences which all contribute to her knowing more about herself which allows her to become VERY comfortable in her skin and most importantly she REALLY LIKES herself. THIS woman is intriguing! This woman is able to go on a date, be present, not project anything onto her date, does not go into the date with any preconceived notions or agendas. Instead, she looks forward to meeting someone new, having new conversations, perhaps learning/teaching something, laughing, and learning more about herself and her date learns a little more about himself and they both learn a little more about each other.
Remove the pressure. You do not even know if you like him yet *lol*. Take full advantage of your life...EVERY MOMENT! Do not delay or put it on hold. That is when the WHEN will happen...when you least expect it and are no longer looking for it. - Misha N. Granado, MPH, MS