At Love Grows our platform is ‘Become a Gardener. Grow Love.’ and the first seed is cultivating and nurturing your own seed of love. This consists of doing your work, investing the time and energy to become very clear on who you are; to become a connoisseur of you. Although you are constantly growing, evolving and changing on all levels you have a foundational truth, the ‘you’ that is grounded and is the core of your essence. This is imperative to know because this ‘knowing’ is what allows you to filter through the muck others may try to project onto you. You will encounter many people along your journey, some as family, friends, colleagues, lovers, acquaintances, strangers, etc. and each of these people are on their own journey and as such the way they perceive and interface with the world may be very different (or similar) to your perspective. However, there are those who have so much personal muck (unhealed emotional wounds and/or unhealthy norms) that their muck colors their perspective, it is as if there is mud in their eye and they erroneously view the world as ‘dirty’ and judge everyone accordingly.
When you become grounded and clear on who you are, others can no longer dump their muck in your garden and convince you it is yours. It is easy to recognize these people because they are usually:
- are not accountable
- make assumptions
- feel as if they are a victim
- hold onto the past (often childhood because this is where they first experienced their trauma)
- abusive (verbally, emotionally, mentally, physically), etc.
They blame others for the quality of their life and or try to control others in some manner. They use guilt, manipulation, the silent treatment, ignore and or bombard. They do not respect boundaries and/or may find it difficult to apologize (again, because they do not think they are in the wrong). Their energy is heavy.
It is not your job to fix, heal or save anyone. Taking on another’s muck does not help you or them, instead you become their enabler. Your ‘garden’ is not the city dump, do not allow others to trample through your garden. Your ‘garden’ (emotional health) is your responsibility. – Misha N. Granado