I was not raised by my biological father and I did not realize the impact his absence had on my life, choices, behavior, men I dated, the way I treated men, thoughts, beliefs, etc until I began doing the work to heal my emotional wounds. From a healed heart and perspective, I was able to forgive him, hold no ill feelings towards him and trust the process (God-love). I reached out to him a few times throughout the years to no avail, however when he is ready I welcome the opportunity to chat.
Unfortunately, many of us perceive our parents to be superhuman and hold them to a higher standard than we hold ourselves. We forget or do not realize although they are our parents, they still have their own emotional wounds, dreams deferred, experienced heartache, feel frustrated, scared, disappointed, may not know what to do, fear being rejected by us, etc. When we realize this and view them from this perspective, our relationship evolves to the next level: emotionally mature adult child: parent.
Although my biological dad did not raise me, love gifted a ‘bonus dad’ to me, the man I consider my dad, the man who raised me and it was through him I also received bonus siblings, nieces, nephews, aunts, cousins, etc. Our relationship continues to evolve and grow which is directly correlated with our individual growth and expansion and both of us co-nurturing this relationship. One of the ways we do this is monthly Daddy Daughter Days and today was our day. Usually we spend a few hours at the gun range and then have lunch. Today due to our schedules we only had lunch, but it was filled with plenty of laughter, family stories I had never heard and history lesson on the family dynamics, etc.
We cannot change the past, we cannot make anyone do anything, including our parents. But we can choose to let go, heal, change perspectives and make our well being and wellness our responsibility and priority. Be gentle with self and others (including parents). Keep your heart open, it is stronger and much deeper than you realize.
Love has infinite ways to intertwine in our lives and may present in unexpected packages: bonus parents|siblings|family, new love after a loss (death, divorce), friends, etc. If you need help making room in your heart, we are here. Schedule your session today. – Misha N. Granado, MPH, MS