Relationships are beautiful opportunities to learn more about self. However, some people erroneously believe relationships are meant to save, fix, improve and/or change who they fundamentally are OR believe it is their job to change, save, fix and/or improve another. It is quite egotistical and unkind when you enter into a relationship with the intention of changing someone because what you are implying is
“I do not think you are good enough just as you are AND I KNOW better for you.”
Interacting with other humans in all relationship dynamics but especially within a romantic space introduces us to many different dynamics. Both parties learn a great deal through communication styles, energy exchanges, the way they navigate areas where agreement and perspectives differ. Do they implore the 3Cs (condemn, convert, convince) as a strategy within their relationship? Do they expand or constrict each other?
It is through these experiences, regardless of the duration of the relationship, where we discover (if we are open and aware) the intangible things that are required or prohibited within our relationships. These intangibles have the ability to set a new bar or baseline as we continue along our journey.
As for me, I have had the pleasure of having 3 big loves in my life and big love #3 is where I experienced the beauty and liberation of what it is like when someone does NOT try to micromanage me or my femininity. I do not know if people are aware of all the ways humans try to micromanage, silence, and/or control each other:
- Perhaps some of you avoid certain topics, remain quiet, etc because you do not want to ‘deal’ with your partner’s reaction.
- Maybe you haven’t proceeded with what you really want to do with your hair (grow natural, wear weave, cut it all off, color it, etc.) because of your partner’s preference.
- Maybe you avoid red lipstick because of the hang ups or associations your S/O has with the color or this color against your skin hue.
- Maybe you stopped dancing because your S/O does not or cannot dance.
- Maybe you avoid participating in conversations
- Stopped being active in your various groups, committees, causes
A beautiful bond, energy and experience is co-created when both parties are free to show up and are accepted for exactly who they are.
It is in this space where I was able to fully expand my wings and discover how massive and beautiful they are. In this space he loves me just as I am and I him. In this space we have the ability to have honest, vulnerable, transparent conversations and listen…really hear each other and neither of us utilize the 3 Cs. There was one conversation we had where we just shared our perspective on an experience from our past and it was transformational to just listen…no defense mechanisms…no 3Cs…no blaming. Only heart space listening. This skill is one of the best gifts I received from this relationship.
Once you experience how it feels to fully expand your wings, you cannot go back. You can no longer keep them folded or allow someone to clip them.
When you experienced what it feels like to soar, no one can convince you of the dangers or how scary flying can be, YOU have your OWN experiences with flight and know differently. You now have a new realm to live and explore and can choose between the sky, water and the ground, finding beauty in all. However, never again will you allow someone to keep you confined (mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, financially) to a small space. When you discover your wings, although they are beautiful, purposeful and strong you also know and appreciate the times when YOU CHOOSE to fold them and those who REALLY accept you will still see the stunning beauty at these moments as well.
This is the beauty of relationships, the power to discover more of who we are and to experience life together. Do not miss the lessons, message and/or tools because of the ‘teacher.’ Change your perspective. There is a purpose why paths cross when they do.