There is a difference between a NEED and WANT relationship. A need is something mandatory for survival. For example, babies need their parents because they are not able to provide and take care of self. They are fully dependent on their caretakers. Parents are keenly aware before embarking on this journey that this relationship will not be equitable. Sure, babes are super cute and expand the heart space; but they will need more than they give and that is okay for this relationship dynamic; especially in the early years.
A ‘need’ relationship is similar to the parent – child dynamic; where one person due to their lack of emotional maturity believes they NEED Person X to survive, be happy, feel love, etc.
These ‘needy’ relationships are quite draining on the other person and soon resentment begins to set in because unlike a parent who is fully aware of the inequitable dynamics PRIOR to entering the relationship; in these romantic situations this dynamic is usually unknown.
A ‘want’ relationship is very different. In these spaces, the partners are not needed for survival, happiness, love, shelter, etc. instead they choose and want to share in each other’s lives and embark on the life journey adventure together...as partners and friends.
When both parties are emotionally healthy and mature the quality of the relationship reflects this as well. The manner in which they speak to each other and handle challenges are very different. There are no longer arguments, instead there are discussions. Neither party tries to condemn, convict or convince (The 3 C’s) the other nor are ‘dirty tactics’ (i.e. manipulation, guilt, emotional warfare, silent treatments, emotional punishment, etc.) utilized. They do not try to micromanage each other in any facet.
Trust is the foundation in which the relationship is built and both parties have and continue to co-create and cultivate a sacred space where both feel emotionally safe to be vulnerable and transparent.
Some people do not know how to function within a ‘want’ relationship because they erroneously believe if they are not needed they have somehow lost their power and ‘stake’ in the other person’s life. This is where a mental and emotional ‘shift’ in perspective is required. Healthy relationships do not operate with a power dynamic or need to have dominion over another’s life.
This is what we do at Love Grows, we join you exactly where you are and gently help you heal and it is through healing where your perspective begins to change. Are you in a need or want relationship? We are accepting new clients. Contact LoveGrows@MishaNGranado.com to schedule your sessions. – Misha
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