Lawrence. Lawrence. Lawrence. How is your heart sir? Is the vagina therapy working? Since ending your relationship (2 weeks ago *insert sarcasm here) there have been 3 vaginas on your penis and in your mouth. Wait, actually 4 because there was the 7 stroke session with Issa on the sofa when you went to collect your mail.
Many of you know me as Misha, the Founder and Owner of Love Grows: The Relationship Consultants but there is another hat I wear as well. I am a public health scientist with a research focus on African American women and sexual health. So the public health scientist in me was cringing during this episode. Unhealed emotional wounds color our perspective and the unwillingness to allow our heart to feel the pain and take healthy steps to heal it (i.e. therapy) results in making decisions that exacerbate your emotional wounds. Resulting in more work and time needed to heal.
Although we do not know the exact time line between the Issa break up, Tasha break up and the two randoms at the grocery store the risk taking behavior at both the emotional and physical level is quite apparent. None of these parties had a basic conversation about health status.
- Did Issa and Daniel use a condom?
- Did Issa and Lawerence have any type of sexual contact post Daniel?
- Did Lawerence and Tasha use condoms?
- Lawrence and Isaa?
- Lawrence and Tasha?
- Lawrence and the two randoms?
Even if condoms were used there is still step, mono and herpes which are contracted either: skin to skin, mouth to genital, mouth to mouth, etc. Let’s go back to Lawrence. I was speaking to a friend and she posed the question,
‘Is this who Lawrence has always been or is this his coping strategy albeit extremely high risk?’
This is a great question. I welcome feedback from men; however, it seems men would be extremely wary of vagina offered so freely. [*Correction* Perhaps the distinction is that emotionally mature and aware men would be wary]. Is this what is going on in the streets? Are men accepting random vaginas just because it is offered? Do any of the following thoughts enter into the minds of men who engage in this behavior:
- Surely, this is not her/their first time offering vagina to a complete stranger.
- How many times and men have they done this with?
- Is this a potential set up?
- If they are this comfortable doing this, what else are they into?
- What is the end game?
- Why am I willing to risk my safety and health on this/these women?
Even if Lawrence had these thoughts his ego, emotional wounds and/or his penis made the final decision and next we see Lawrence in the house with two women who had absolutely no hesitation bringing a complete stranger into their place of residence. NOTE: Norms vary and there are those who engage in high risk, dangerous, unhealthy behaviors as their norm. You cannot depend on another to establish your boundaries and norms. Due to his lack of boundaries, he willingly entered into their world where they made the rules.
After placing his unprotected penis, tongue and mouth into the orifices of two complete strangers whom he randomly met at the grocery store we see him sitting outside of Issa’s apartment. My heart sank as I was yelling at the screen…Nah! Drive on homie! Drive on! Because we all know what would’ve have most likely happened if he went inside because Issa still very much loves him and wants to get back together.
- Would Lawrence have told Issa he just came from a threesome with 2 strangers?
- Would Issa tell Lawrence about the neighbor?
- Would Lawrence tell Issa about Tasha and what transpired?
- Would they have finally had an open, transparent, vulnerable conversation placing EVERYTHING on the table including all the bodies racked up since their breakup?
- Would they go to therapy?
Unfortunately, we can all say with 95% confidence NO to each of those questions. Instead, he would have entered the apartment, there would have been no discussion, the spark of their 5 year relationship would have been reignited and they would have had unprotected sex. It would have probably been the most enjoyable, passionate session they ever had with each other; but it would have also been the most risky. After the orgasm, then what? Orgasms do not heal emotional wounds. – Misha N. Granado,